My eldest son turns 4 today. I am feeling very emotional and nostalgic, so I wanted to write a short blog about what I have learned over the last few years.
I am still me
I am writing this down because for a while there I wasn’t sure. So much changed and was out of my control and that was very overwhelming for me. I felt quite lost in this strange land of new motherhood. Any skills and confidence I had acquired in my 36 years seemed immaterial when they handed me this beautiful perfect human I love more than anything in the world.
It took a while, but I know now I am still me. I am still ambitious, impatient, and determined. I still have wishes, dreams, and needs. I am still a daughter, wife, and friend as well as a mom.
I have a new life and very different priorities, but I am still here, and I am still me.
I miss my husband
The first few years with my husband were the happiest of my life. This wonderful, funny, handsome man and I lived in a love bubble. We had endless time to walk, talk, eat, sleep, love, laugh, holiday, and hang
7 years later we have 2 toddlers, a mortgage, full time jobs and throw in a global pandemic for good measure. What this means is among our chaotic beautiful life we have very little time for us. I never expected the honeymoon phase to last but I didn’t realise there would be a point where I had so little time and energy for my life partner. After 14 hours a day of work, childcare, and chores I can barely speak to this man I love, and a date is the furthest thing from my mind.
I hope to get some time back after lockdown because I really miss my husband.
There are really good bits and really hard bits
The love, the smiles, the hugs, the cuddles, the smell, the looks, the voices, the giggles, being called mammy, the bedtime stories, holding hands, being their world and them being mine.
The anxiety, the loneliness, the fear, the miscarriage, the weight gain, the stretch marks, the prolapse, the post-natal depression, the 5am starts, the colic, the worry, the guilt, and the no sleep.
And it’s all worth every second.
Happy Birthday my darling Joshua. This is what I want you to know
Every morning the sun will rise, every evening it will set
Sometimes you will get what you want but you won’t always want what you get
Some of your days will be happy, some of your days will be sad
Some days you will have to navigate feeling hurt or muddled or mad
I wish I could hold you forever, keeping you safe from any harm
But this world deserves to have you, with all your beauty, brilliance, and charm
So let me tell you a few things, I hope will help you along
Some things I hope will always keep you safe, secure, and strong
Take it one day at a time, there is a learning in every day
Take it one day at a time, this is the very, very best way
Let it begin with you, as this is all you can control
Let it begin with you and give it all your heart and soul
Keep it simple, keep it real, don’t run away with the crowd
Keep it simple, do it for you, you’re the person you need to make proud
Easy does it in all you do, you must always be kind
Easy does it in all you do, it’s in your actions you’re defined
Live and let live in this life, there is no single right way
Live and let live in this life, there are much more fun games you can play
Hand it over, whatever it is, to a power greater than you
Hand it over, ask for help, you will see what is right and true
This too shall pass, I promise you, no matter how difficult it gets
This too shall pass, please hold on, in time you will start to forget
Finally, and most importantly, whether we’re together or apart
You are loved my sweetheart, with every single piece of my heart
Love always, mom x
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